Ladyfire Greatest Hits

ASSERTING YOURSELF
Getting over the Intimidation Factor

By Debora Myers

Obviously we all have experienced first hand overcoming intimidating people that use anger, fear and just plain meanness to get what they want. Whether it is the best table at a restaurant or lower airfares, they seem to push their way toward their goal by being aggressive.

There is a big difference between being too pushy and asserting yourself. By being direct and avoiding the "beating around the bush" approach you can get your idea across without offending anyone, these essentials are imperative to asserting your needs. When attempting to make yourself clear always look the other person directly in the eye. Be intense, but not too repellent by saying mean things and pissing off the other person, then you won't get anywhere with them. Be calm and do not give up. Keep repeating your needs or desires over again until the person finally gets the picture.

Name calling and putting someone on the spot in front of colleagues or friends can backfire and leave you looking like you're the one with the personal problem. So just be clear and concise and sincere. Request over and over exactly what you need and if you repeat yourself enough, he /she should get the message. Just be frank without being too blunt. By repeating your message and by taking the stance of not taking no for an answer you may have a better chance of getting what you want.

Remember wondering why the "bitches" always got the good guys? I sure remember wondering why they got it all. I was always the sweet one who bent over backward to please and most of the time I just got used and abused. Now that I know better, if I expect someone to treat me badly that is usually what I get. But now that I am a seasoned woman, I have learned to make my point by being firm and by not giving in to the person out of fear. Fear is usually the emotion that backs us into a corner, where we have a hard time getting out of to stand up for our rights. Once we face that fear, usually we find that the "monster" we were afraid of is usually a phantom and will wilt at the least bit of aggressiveness thrown at them.

Remember to keep clear on the main message your trying to get across. Don't be bogged down with other little annoyances. Stick to the main issue.

Try to make your point in a positive way without nagging, criticizing or bringing up the bad points. There is a constructive way to do this without putting the other on the immediate defensive. Instead of saying, "You never remember my birthday!" or "You always think about your sexual needs first before I've even gotten there!" You can say, " My Birthday is in two weeks! Maybe you can get me something sexy so we can celebrate…" or "Oh honey you feel so good inside me please hold back a while longer so that I can feel more of your big…." Always remember to build his ego. It is usually centered around his penis, so never put down his performance. Just be instructive and creative.